How to write a eulogy for your spouse
Speaking at the memorial of the person who shared your life is unlike speaking about anyone else. This guide is for the words that fit, when the words you used together no longer have someone to hear them.
Where to start
4 · steps- 1
Speak from inside the marriage, not above it. The audience is allowed to overhear, not to be addressed.
- 2
Choose one small daily ritual the two of you had — the kind that would not seem important to anyone else.
- 3
Acknowledge that this is the loss that will not feel finished. You do not have to resolve it in your speech.
- 4
Close with something you would want them to hear, even though they cannot.
How to write a eulogy for your spouse
My wife slept on the side of the bed closest to the door, for forty-one years, because she said she wanted to hear the children first when they were small, and the dogs first when the children were grown. I do not think she ever stopped listening. When she got up in the night to check on something, she did it without a sound — only the small, familiar weight of her absence beside me told me she was gone from the room. What we built together was not loud. It was every uncrossed item on a grocery list, every glass of water she left on my side of the table without being asked, every Saturday afternoon she came home with one yellow flower from the market and put it on the windowsill. We never said love out loud. We had no need. If she were here she would tell me not to make this too long. So I will stop.
Your words will fit better.
Share one or two memories — the speech will assemble itself in minutes.